The New Inday Adventures

Hahaha! You must visit the blog of Inday. This is the link: http://www.blogniinday.com/

Anyway, here are some of Inday's new adventures (also from the site). Enjoy!!!



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Conversations ni Inday with Ricky Lo

She is now becoming one of the fastest rising Internet stars today amassing a number of followers all over the world mostly Filipinos . Already surpassing Ederlyn, Yuga, the Numa Numa boy, the Chinese Backstreet Boys and even Casey and her cam.

Inday is getting a lot of popularity today mostly from word of mouth, SMS and e-mails. Her witty comments regarding her life as a domestic helper has already brought laughter and uncontrollable nosebleeds to us.

RL: Inday, thank you for accepting this interview, how are you feeling right now?

Inday: You might expect me to be flabbergasted or nervous with all the attention I’m getting right now. Actually, I’m not. I know from that very first text message that this is going to be inevitable. Even now the media is already interested in my fame that they sent you to interview me thinking that you can comprehend each and every word that I say.

RL: [nagpunas ng ilong] Uhmm, ahh I see… so with all your uhh academic credentials, what made you decide just to be a domestic helper?

Inday: Well, what do you expect me to be? A lawyer? A politician? A newscaster? Oh come on, you’re all so predictable. Have you met a domestic helper that has a medical degree, is a world-class culinary artist, has a degree in Business Management, a certified public accountant and consistent Best in English for four years in high school?

RL: Uhhm, ahh I guess not.

Inday: Well there you go. That’s what sets me apart and makes me unique from all the rest and I guess it’s something that you just can’t fathom.

RL: [tuluyan nang nag-nosebleed]

Inday: I guess this is the end of this interview. I still have to prepare our evening victuals and update my blog. Tatah! Hi nga pala to my love, Dodong! I love you babes.

Nasali si Inday sa Deal or No Deal

Kris: Magandang gabi mga kapamilya, sa gameshow na ito importante ang sagot sa nag-iisang katanungang Deal or no Deal. Ang ating player ngayong gabi ay walang iba kundi ang fastest-rising household services manager na si Inday!

[umentra si Inday at nagpalakpakan ang mga tao]

Kris: Ok Inday, choose a briefcase.

Inday: Kris, I would opt for case #4 please.

Kris: Briefcase # 4… si Sharmel. Inday, matanong ko lang, how did you come up with the number 4?

Inday: Oh, do you really want to know Kris?

Kris: Oo naman. I’m sure kaya ko naman maintindihan yung sasabihin mo eh.

Inday: The number 4 was acquired based on a probability distribution function that involves integrating up to an area greater than or equal to that random number which should be generated between 0 and 1 for proper distributions.

Kris: Syet. tanong tanong pa kasi eh.

Kris: Ok Inday, choose 6 briefcases to open.

Inday: I would opt for 7, 24, 12, 2, 15 and 20.

Kris: Wait lang Inday, usually isa isa lang ang pagbubukas natin ng case…

Inday: Why is that? As if I can change the outcome if we’re to open a case each time I blurt out a number as opposed to opening each case immediately one after the other right?

Kris: Hayyy…babaguhin pa talaga mechanics (bulong sa sarili).

Kris: Anwyay, di bale na lang nga… tuloy tayo. Number 7. Natalie buksan na!!

[Yung audience sumisigaw ng LOWER!! LOWER!!!]

Kris: Teka lang, bago natin buksan… Inday, usually ang mga contestants naten ay sumisigaw ng “LOWER” every time magbubukas ng case.

Inday: Kris, I guess that’s not the way I was taught in grade school. You see, I was taught that we should only use the comparative form of the word or add “ER” to the adjective if we are comparing two things. And since it is only the first briefcase that we are going to open, we have nothing to compare it to. Am I right?

[natahimik ang audience at napaisip]

Kris: Oo nga no!

Kris: Sige Natalie, Buksan mo na.

[Ang laman ng briefcase 7 ay Piso… Palakpakan ang mga tao]

Kris: Good start! Ano yung next case mo ulit?

Inday: Case number 24 please.

Kris: Chloe… buksan na…

[Audience sumisigaw ulit ng LOWER!! LOWER!!]

Kris: Wait lang guys, Inday may nabuksan ng case baket di ka pa rin sumisigaw ng “Lower”?

Inday: Oh my goodness Kris, how long have you been doing this? Have you ever encountered a value that is lower than a peso in this game? Tell me, is there any value left lower than the one we just opened? Sheesh.

[Napaisip ulit ang audience at natahimik]

Kris: Aarrgghh!!!! Chloe buksan na lang nga, pati na rin yung 12, 2, 15 and 20 buksan na rin para matapos na. [naiirita na]

[At sunod sunod na ngang nabukas ang mga case ni Inday]

[nag-ring ang phone]

Inday: Ahh Kris, to save more time can you tell Banker that I’m not interested in his first offer. In the history of this game of chance, I have yet to see someone accept a first offer from the banker. It’s quite pathetic and pretentious for contestants to pause and look around the audience as if asking for advice before ultimately rejecting the first offer. I mean come on, isn’t that a waste of airtime?

Banker: Potahhh!!! [narinig sa set kahit sarado ang kwarto ni banker]

- Ito ang unang pagkakataon na marinig ng mga audience ang boses ni banker sa Deal or no Deal.

… dumating na sa kalagitnaan ng show at mukhang minamalas na si Inday…

Kris: Ok Inday, mukhang kelangan na natin ng tulong sa mga friends mo… sino ba yung bigotilyong lalaki na naka-polo? Ano name nya?

Inday: Ahh, that’s my master Mr. Montemayor.

Kris: Ahhh sya pala yun, how cute naman pala eh. Sige sir, give us a number.

Mr. Montemayor: Hi Kris, good evening. I’m a fan. I choose number 22 please.

Kris: Ano Inday ok ba yung number 22?

Inday: Whatever, we shouldn’t bite the hand that feeds us anyway. Go ahead.

Kris: [taray naman] Sofie, buksan na!

[ang laman ng briefcase 22 ay 5,000]

Kris: Good job! Sino naman yung gwapong lalake na naka jumper na katabi ni Mr. Montemayor? What’s his name?

Inday: Ahh, that’s my on again off again boyfriend, Dodong the gardener.

Kris: Ooohh, sya pala yun. Ok Dodong, give us a number!

Dodong: Hi babes, I choose briefcase 9 if it’s ok with you. If not, it’s ok with me as long as it’s ok with you.

Kris: Ano raw? Inday, number 9 daw ok say0?

Inday: Yes Kris, it’s fine with me.

Kris: Wow ang bait pag kay Dodong. Ederlyn… buksan na!!

…nanlaki ang mga mata ni Inday at hindi sya makapaniwala. Natahimik at mukhang kakapusin sya ng hininga…

Inday: YOU!!! How dare you invade my moment!

[nagulat si Kris at ang mga audience sa reaksyon ni Inday. Nagpatawag si Kris ng commercial break at nagpakuha ng tubig para kay Inday.]

Nagkatitigan sina Inday at Ederlyn. Nakangisi si Ederlyn habang hawak ang briefcase ni Inday.

Ederlyn: Pinapangako ko, Inday… pagbukas luluhod ang mga tala! hahahahaha!

Inday: What? Can you speak up? What are you mumbling up there. Can somebody give her a microphone please?

Kris: Ano ba!! Tama na nga ang drama ninyo, Ederlyn buksan mo na ang case at umexit ka na kung ayaw mong mapalitan! (naiirita na si Kris)

Dali-daling binuksan ni Ederlyn ang briefcase at ang laman ay… P3,000,000.

Nanghinayang ang mga audience… Ang mga natirang values ay 250, 1K, 20K, 50K, and 500K.

Inday: NooOoo…. (sabay tingin kay Dodong at napapaluha), how could you…

Dodong: I’m so sorry Inday, please forgive me.

Kris: Hayyy, drama again. Ang offer ni banker sa pagbabalik ng Kapamilya, Deal.. or No Deal!

[pagtapos ng commercial break… mukhang composed na ulit si Inday]

Kris: Inday, are you okay? Ang offer ni banker ay 99 thousand pesos. ‘Sing rami siguro ng pilipinong pinadugo mo na ilong. Is it a Deal or No Deal?

Tahimik lang si Inday tilang may kinocompute sa ulo habang ang mga audience ay nagsisigawan ng “No Deal”, ang iba naman ay “Deal”.

Kris: Wait lang, kung mapapansin ninyo we have only have 5 cases left, and among those 5, apat doon ay mas maliit na value…

Inday: Kris, do you mind? Can I do my own thinking?

Natameme si Kris, pati ang audience ay natahimik.

Kris: Taray to the max! (pabulong sa sarili)

Inday: Ok, I’m ready. Upon looking at the reality of the situation, 80% of the cases left have at least 49K less than the banker’s offer. The only way I can do better than what is offered is that if my case contains the 500k or I’d get to open one of the four lower values. But I have to keep in mind that there’s only 20% probability that this would happen. I have to take note, however, that the banker’s offer is roughly around 15% lower than the offer I expected based on the arithmetic mean of the values left.

Kris: Lorddd… panaginip ba ‘to? Ayokonaaa….

Inday: Accepting a deal for less than the mean should generally be regarded as a weak decision so I would say, NO DEAL!

Limang briefcase na lang ang natitira at kasama na doon ang case ni Inday…

Kris: My God, nakaka-stress itong episode na ito ha. Baka dumugo na rin ang ilong ko sa’yo Inday. Sige Inday, go ahead and choose 1 briefcase!

Inday: Ok Kris, I choose briefcase #5 please?

Kris: Briefcase #5! Mimi bago mo buksan yan I would first like to thank Figliarina by Schubizz for my sandals, Bambi Fuentes for my hair and make-up and Pepsi Herrera for my gown tonight.

Kris: Ok Mimi, buk…

Inday: Ahh Kris, can I also take time to thank a few people? I mean, I did save us a few minutes of airtime right?

Kris: (“kapal naman talaga ng mukha”…bulong sa sarili) Sige, ok lang go ahead. (naka-smile pa rin)

Inday: Thanks! Yes, I would like to thank Frank Provost for my hair and make-up, Jimmy Choo for my sandals and my dear friend Oscar dela Renta for my gown tonight.

BLAG!! Tinumba ni Kris ang podium at nagwalk-out. Hindi na natapos ang show kaya’t binigyan na lang ni Banker si Inday ng kalahating milyon para sa kanyang oras.

Inday: Oh, and thanks to the people of Cartier for sending me these nice earrings for tonight!

[Ito ang isa sa mga un-aired episode ng Kapamilya, Deal or No Deal]

Paputok

Nagyaya na si Mr. Montemayor sa labas ng bahay para magpaputok. May kanya kanyang baong paputok din sina Misis at si Junior

Mr. Montemayor: Let’s go guys! Magpapaputok na tayo!

Palabas na sila ng bahay ay nasalubong nila si Inday…

Inday: Sir!! Is that a whistle bomb you’re holding? Are you really planning to use that?

Mr. Montemayor: Oo! Tara sama ka… lakas ‘to!

Inday: No thank you! And I highly suggest that you just defuse that and throw it away. Don’t you know that 51% of fireworks-related injuries are caused by firecrackers such as that you’re holding? And 40% of these injuries involve hands which can lead to disfigurement or worse, amputation of digits or the whole hand itself.

Tinignan na lang ni Mr. Montemayor ang kamay nya…

Mrs. Montemayor: Dear, wag na lang kaya naten paputukin yan? Eto na lang fountain ang gamitin naten. Hindi naman ito pumuputok eh. Ok lang ito diba Inday?

Inday: You know what? I have a better idea… wait here

May hinalungkat si Inday sa mga cabinet at iniabot kay Mrs. Montemayor

Inday: Here, stare directly at this halogen lamp for five minutes if you want to reduce your visual acuity or go blind instead of lighting that fountain up. This is friendlier to the environment as well.

Junior: Buti ako sparklers lang. Pambata talaga and safe diba? (pinakita nya ang sparklers kay Inday)

Inday: Junior, don’t you know that such devices burn at a high temperature, around 1800 to 3000° F? And it can also cause devastating burns to hands and faces or even ignite clothing. 46% of the burn injuries reported every year involves children because consumers think that sparklers are harmless.

Mrs. Montemayor: Naku anak, sorry di ko alam. Wag mo nang gamitin yan.

Mr. Montemayor: Ano nang gagawin naten ngayon? Baduy naman.

Inday: Honestly, I still don’t get it why some people even bother buying fireworks. It’s like burning your money. Fortunately, I have prepared a lavish feast for New Year’s Eve. Let’s just celebrate it by eating and leave the fireworks to the professionals ok? (sabay tawag kay Dodong)

Nasali si Inday sa 1 vs 100

Edu: Susubukan ang talino mo, sasagarin ang tapang mo, kakasa ka ba kung ang kalaban mo ay isang daan? Ito ang 1 versus 100!

Edu: Magandang gabi kapamilya, ngayong gabi ay malalaman naten kung kayang tapatan ng galing ng isa ang galing ng isang daan. Pinapakilala ko ang… The Mob!! 100 players from all walks of life. Sino ba ang makakalaban ng the Mob?

Edu: Let’s meet… the One!!

Umentra na si Inday at nagpalakpakan ang mga tao.

Edu: Ang ating manlalaro ngayong gabi ay si… (di makapaniwala sa nabasa sa teleprompter) Inday… Inday ba yan? Anyway, si Inday ay isang… kasambahay? As in katulong ba yan? (natawa na lang si Edu sa sarili kasi mukhang maaga matatapos ang show).

Pumwesto na si Inday sa tabi ni Edu.

Edu: Good evening Inday!

Inday: Good evening Mr. Manzano, I am delighted to have finally met you.

Nabigla si Edu sa galing ng pagkabigkas ni Inday sa wikang Ingles at nakalimutan saglit ang sasabihin.

Edu: Ahhh… kilalanin na naten ang mga miyembro ng The Mob!

Edu: Meron tayong limang professor ng UP Diliman. Kabilang din ang anim na miyembro ng 26K girls. Meron din tayong special contestant na kabilang sa mob due to her insistent demand, the lovely Kris Aquino.

Kris: Ay naku Doods, mag-ingat ka dyan sa girl na yan. Gusto ko lang bumawi sa kanya sa ginawa nya sa akin sa show ko.

Edu: Mukhang may bad blood sa pagitan ninyong dalawa ah. Hehehe.

Inday: Good luck Kris but you should’ve stayed at home and watched Oprah.

Kris: GRrrr. The nerve…!

Edu: O tama na! Show ko ito. Kasama rin natin ang limang tricycle drivers. Kausapin naten si number 87, mukhang kilala ka at kanina pa sya kumikindat sayo. Kilala mo ba sya?

Inday: Oh that’s Ethan, one of the tricycle drivers plying our area.

Edu: Ethan huh? Nice name…Ethan kamusta na pre?

Ethan: Ok lang po sir Edu. Hi Inday you look beautiful tonight. (sabay kindat)

Edu: Sige mamaya na yan. Meron din tayong kasamang limang katulong at limang mga boy. Andyan din ang limang pulubi at limang sampaguita vendors. Kasama rin naten ang limang empleyado ng AGB Nielsen. Naku hindi kaya’t umangal ang kabilang estasyon neto? May kabilang din na limang call center agents at limang Computer Engineering students ng DLSU.

Edu: May limang bloggers din tayong kasama ngayong gabi, kabilang na dyan si Abe ng Yugatech, si Maru at si Badoodles ng kwentong barbero. At syempre andyan din ang 43 na Unbeatables! Ano sa tingin mo Inday? Can you handle… the Mob?!

Inday: Very impressive collection of people from different walks of life we have here but I have no choice but eliminate them all tonight.

Edu: (Mukhang nayayabangan na kay Inday) Easier said than done Inday. So are you ready to take on… the Mob?!?!

Edu: Ok Inday, this first question is worth 1,000 pesos. Tignan naten kung ilan sa mga mob members ang matatanggal mo dito sa first round.

Edu: Here’s the question: Sa Pinoy slang, pag sinabing nakakita ka ng mag-jowa, ano ang nakita mo? Is it A. magkapatid, B. mag-asawa, or C. mag-syota? Mob members, please key in your answer.

Inday: Oh great! Pinoy slang! Lucky me (may pagka-sarcastic ang tono). For the life of me, I have no idea what jowa means.

Edu: Talaga?! Hindi mo ba kinakausap ang mga katulong ng mga kapitbahay? Di ba kayo nagkwekwentuhan?

Inday: Mr. Manzano, I don’t involve myself in such things for I want to lift the stigma & alleviate the societies’ perception of our profession.

Nabigla si Edu at muntik nang dumugo ang ilong.

Kris: Ayan doods oh sinisimulan ka na nyan, mag-ingat ka dyan.

Edu: Ahh… sige Inday, what’s your answer? or gusto mo bang gumamit ng help? Meron tayong sagot ng nakararami, sagot ng dalawa at alamin ang sagot.

(nagsisigawan ang mob, “Gumamit ka ng help! Gumamit ka ng help!”)

Inday: Ok I have no choice but to use a help. I’ll go for “alamin ang sagot”.

Edu: Sige, choose a letter at aalamin naten kung ilan sa mga mob ang sumagot sa pinili mong letra.

Inday: I’ll choose letter “C”, mag-syota.

Edu: Ilan ba ang sumagot ng letter “C”, mag-syota? (pause) …Wala! Walang sumagot ng letter “C”. Ngayon Inday, sa tingin mo ba alam mo na yung sagot or would you like to use another help?

Inday: No I think I got this. I’m sure it’s not magkapatid since it doesn’t fit the etymology of jowa. So that leaves me with “B”, mag-asawa. I don’t even know what mag-syota means.

Natawa na lang si Edu sa sarili dahil di nya akalaing sa umpisa pa lang ay mahihirapan na itong si Inday.

Edu: Ok, if you’re sure please press the button.

Pinindot ni Inday ang letter B.

Edu: Tignan naten kung tama si Inday. Ang sagot ay… (pause) Letter B. Pero hindi mo ba talaga alam ibig sabihin ng mag-syota? Ibig sabihin nun ay mag-sing irog or mag-girlfriend boyfriend. Hindi ka pa ba nagkakaboyfriend?

Inday: Mr. Manzano, just because I’m not acquainted on such vituperative languages not suitable for formal occasions automatically means I haven’t experienced being in a relationship before.

Edu: Ahh… (natameme na naman), sige bilangin na nga lang naten kung ilan sa mga mob ang nagkamali.

(pause)

Edu: Wala! Walang nagkamali so that means wala pang pera mapupunta sa pot. First round pa lang, nagamit mo na ang isang help, wala pang naeeliminate pero at least pupunta tayo sa next question. So Inday, is it the money? or the mob?!!

Inday: What money? You just said that the pot’s still empty. I’ll take the mob please.

(Naghiyawan ang mga mob members)

Edu: Oo nga no. Sorry ha. Sige let’s proceed then to the next question.

Edu: Ok let’s continue. It is now still 1 vs 100!!

Edu: This question is worth 2,000 pesos. Here’s the question: Ang paltik ay isang uri ng ano? Is it A, Baril? B, Kotse? or C, Tela? Mob members you have 6 seconds to key in your answer.

Inday: Oh dear! Not another one. What’s with the difficult questions early in the game?

Edu: Inday madali lang yang question na yan. Nahihirapan ka na ba kaagad? Meron ka pang dalawang help.

Biglang sumingit si Kris…

Kris: Ano Inday, I thought you are smart pero ba’t mukhang nahihirapan ka na eh 2nd question pa lang tapos wala ka pang naeeliminate? Poor you.

Edu: Ahh Kris, wag naman nating maliitin ang ating manlalaro.

Inday: It’s ok, I’m not the least bit intimidated. I understand if she wants to get back at me when she suffered sleepless nights after we shot the Deal or No Deal episode.

Kris: Kapal huh.

Edu: O tama na, so Inday what is your answer? Or would you like to use another help?

Inday: Ok Mr. Edu, I would like to use a help, “sagot ng dalawa”.

Edu: Sige, pipili ang computer ng dalawang miyembro ng mob. Isa sa kanila ay sumagot ng tama at pwede rin naten silang kausapin kung baket yun ang napili nilang sagot. Pero… hindi sila required na magsabi ng totoo. Kuha mo ba?

Inday: Sure, no problem.

Ang napili ng computer ay si Mimi, isa sa mga 26K girls at walang iba kundi si Kris.

Edu: Ok Inday tanungin naten kung ano ang sagot nila. Mimi, ano ang napili mong sagot?

Mimi: Letter “C” po Tito Edu.

Edu: Baket “C” ang napili mo?

Mimi: Kasi po parang narinig ko ang word na paltik isang beses habang naghahanap ako ng mga tela sa divisoria eh.

Edu: Ahh ok. Ikaw naman Kris, what is your answer?

Kris: Letter “A”, baril. Pero I just realized na mali pala yung sagot ko coz parang narinig ko rin yung word na yun when I was shopping at Greenhills. Kaya ayun, I guess I’m out na. (sabay sad face)

Edu: Ok, so Inday ano sa tingin mo? For sure tanggal na ang B, kotse. What’s your answer?

Inday: Nice try Kris, but when you answered the question you were looking at your upper right which is your construction side that clearly suggests that you were visually imagining something. I also saw that your pupils dilated a bit as you give your explanation, not to mention that your nostrils flared as well. It’s cold in the studio, why are you sweating?

Hindi na lang nakasagot si Kris… pati si Edu at ang mga mob members ay natulala…

Inday: My answer is letter “A”, baril. (sabay pindot sa button “A”)

Edu: Ahh… Uhmm… ok. Sige tignan naten kung ano ang tamang sagot… Ang tamang sagot ay… “A”!! Good job Inday. Very nice observation! (medyo bumilib na si Edu kay Inday)

Edu: Tignan naman naten kung ilan ang nagkamali!

1… 2… 3… 4… …….. 10… 11… 12 … Biglang tumayo si Kris at nag-walkout…

Edu: Kris teka san ka pupunta? Tama ang sagot mo, you’re still in the game!

Kris: Ayoko na!! I had it with that girl! (sabay exit)

Edu: Hayyy anyway, 12 ang napatanggal mo ngayong round plus isang nag-walkout which brings the pot total to 26 thousand pesos. Pero take note isang help na lang ang natitira. Inday, is it the money? or the mob?!!!!

Inday: I’ll take the mob please.

Edu: Ok let us continue… it is now 1 vs 87!!!!

Edu: Your next question is worth 3,000 pesos. Kung ikaw ay isang blogger, ano ang madalas mong ginagawa? Is it A, magsulat, or B, makipagusap sa telepono, or C, kumanta? Mob members please key…

Di pa tapos si Edu ay sumingit kaagad si Inday…

Inday: Finally, something easier! It’s letter A, magsulat. (sabay pindot sa letter A)

Nagulat na lang si Edu sa ginawa ni Inday at mukhang kakapusin ng hininga…

Edu: Inday pakikuha nga ako ng kape… este tubig… (ginawang katulong pa talaga si Inday)

Humingi si Inday ng tubig sa mga set personnel at iniabot kay Edu.

Edu: (Uminom muna ng tubig) Inday anong ginawa mo?!! Ba’t pumindot ka na kaagad eh hindi pa tapos sumagot ang mob members? Di mo ba naisip na baka naibigay mo sa kanila ang tamang sagot?

Inday: Oh Mr. Manzano but that’s what I was gunning for. I don’t want to eliminate the multitude this early in the game. I’d rather have them eliminated when the value of the question is at its highest.

Napaisip si Edu…

Edu: Ahh… nage-gets ko pero… mali pa rin eh. Iba ka talaga Inday. Pero next time please hintayin mong makasagot sila bago ka sumagot ok? Sige, tignan na lang natin kung tama ang sagot mo.

Edu: Ang tamang sagot ay… A, magsulat. Matanong nga kita Inday, familiar ka ba sa blogging? Paano mo ito nalaman? Nagblobog ba ang amo mo? or baka…

Inday: Oh Mr. Manzano, haven’t you heard of my blog yet? It’s www.blogniinday.com and I learned how to blog just by surfing the internet. You know what surfing the net means right?

Natameme na lang si Edu…

Edu: Ahhh… uhh… oo. Pero wag na naten pag-usapan yan, alamin na lang natin kung may nagkamali pa rin sa mga mob members. May nagkamali ba sa round na ito?… (pause)…. 1! (nagulat si Edu)

Edu: May isang nagkamali… number 52… Abe? Pambihira binigay na yung sagot mali ka pa rin. Tsaka diba tinuturing kang isa sa mga top bloggers dito sa Pinas? Ano ba yung sinagot mo?

Abe: Ay ano kasi sir, hindi ho ako nakapindot ng sagot eh. I was updating my blog with my cellphone via twitter kaya nawala sa isip ko.

Edu: Magaling! Minsan ka lang masali dito sa show naisipan mo pang magcellphone habang naglalaro.

Edu: Inday, dahil may isang natanggal, nakalikom ka ng 3,000 pesos which brings your total money to 29,000 pesos. So anong tanong… is it the money? … or the mob?!?!

Inday: Sure, I’ll take on the mob!

Edu: It is now…1…versus….86!!

Edu: Inday, here’s your question which is worth 4,000 pesos. Sa larong Scrabble, ilang points ang katumbas ng letter “W”? Is it A, 3; B, 4; or C, 5? Wag ka munang pumindot Inday, hintayin natin ang mob. Mob members please key in your answer.

Edu: Alam mo ba Inday ang larong Scrabble? Eto yung word game na kung san…

Hindi na sya pinatapos ni Inday…

Inday: Of course, I am familiar with it. I even taught Ethan how to play it with his pals at the corner of our street. And Mr. Manzano, please tell whoever makes the questions to make them concise next time. You see, for people like me who’s been introduced to different cultures and played other versions of Scrabble, the score for each letter tile varies.

Natahimik na lang si Edu at sinusubukang masundan ang sinasabi ni Inday.

Inday: For example, the Afrikaans version of this game gives the letter “J” 10 points while the German version gives it only 6 points. But I guess you’re not accustomed to contestants being experienced in diverse cultures such as me so I would assume that you’re only referring to the standard version of Scrabble.

Nag-nosebleed na si Edu.

Edu: Ahhh uhh ganun ba?

Inday: Can I use my last help please?

Edu: Pambihira kung anu-ano pinagsasabi mo maghehelp ka rin pala (bulong ni Edu sa sarili).

Edu: Di mo pala alam ang sagot kung anu-ano na sinasabi mo dyan. Sige alamin na naten ang sagot ng nakararami.

Hinintay mabilang ng computer…

Edu: Ang pinakamaraming sagot ay letter A, 3. 43 sa mga mob members natin ang sumagot ng letter A. Ikaw Inday, may sagot ka na ba? Please key in your answer.

Inday: Thanks, I just want to know roughly how many mobs I would eliminate this round. My answer is letter B, 4. (sabay pindot sa letter B)

Nagulat si Edu…

Edu: Pambihira ka talaga Inday! Ginamit mo lang ang last help mo para malaman mo kung ilan ang maeeliminate mo? Marunong ka bang maglaro neto?

Inday: Oh don’t worry Mr. Manzano, I can sense that the questions are getting easier as we advance in this game. So, how many got the answer wrong?

Edu: Hayyy, ok ok, sige ilan ba sa mga mob members naten ang nagkamali ngayong round?

1, 2, 3, 4, 5… 8, 9… 19, 20…. 43, 44, … 54, 55, 56!!!

Edu: 56 mob members ang magpapaalam na! Ngayong round ay nakalikom ka ng 224,000 pesos which brings your total money to 253,000 pesos!!

Inday: Oh my, I didn’t expect that many to be eliminated this round.

Edu: Well Inday, sa ngayon ay may 30 mob members pang natitira. Wala ka ng help, tanong ko sayo, is it the money??… or the mob?!?!

Inday: I’ll take the mob please but can we jump to the 9,000-peso question next?

Biglang may sumigaw mula sa gilid sa may audience…

Kris: Ayan Doods ‘wag kang magpapamanipulate sa kanya. ‘Wag kang papayag!

Edu: Ngee!! Andyan ka pa pala Kris. Sorry Inday, di pwede. Wag mo nang baguhin ang game gaya ng ginawa mo kay Kris sa kanyang show ok? Sige, next round na tayo.

Edu: Inday, it is now…1…versus 30!!!

Edu: Here’s the question na may halagang 5,000 pesos. Ang kotseng Montero ay gawa ng anong car manufacturer? Is it A, Mitsubishi? B, Toyota? .. or C, Nissan? Mob members you have six seconds to key in your answer.

Edu: Inday mahilig ka ba sa mga kotse? Ano ba ang favorite mong kotse? Yung Honda City ba? O di kaya yung bagong labas na Yaris? Familiar ka ba doon?

Inday: Mr. Manzano, not because I’m just a housemaid doesn’t mean I don’t have aspirations to drive or own an Audi or a Beemer or even a Benz!

Nabigla si Edu sa sagot ni Inday.

Inday: Actually, I’m not that fond of European cars. My favorite right now would be the upcoming Japan made Infinity G37 Sport Coupe with its 3.7-liter V6 engine that boasts a very healthy 330 horsepower and 270 pound-feet of torque. Are you familiar with that?

Nag-nosebleed na naman si Doods!!

Edu: Ahh sa maker na Infiniti oo pero di ako masyadong familiar sa mga bagong models nila. Mabuti siguro ay sagutin mo na lang ang tanong.

Inday: Very well, the Montero which is being sold in the Americas means “mountain warrior” in Spanish and this SUV is also known as Shogun in UK. But anywhere else in the world and here in the Philippines, it is more popularly known as Pajero which is manufactured by Mitsubishi Motors. So my answer is A, Mitsubishi! (pinindot niya ang letter A)

Edu: Inday wala tayo sa Beat the Geeks kaya hindi mo na kelangan magbigay ng trivia sa mga tanong ko.

(”Inggit ka lang kasi mas marami akong alam sayo”, sabi ni Inday sa loob loob nya)

Edu: Ok, tignan naten kung tama si Inday. The correct answer is…. (pause)… A, Mitsubishi! Hindi na siguro ako dapat mabigla na tama ka Inday, ibang klase ka talaga. Sige bilangin na lang naten kung ilan ang nagkamali!

1, 2, 3… 7, 8,… 11, 12.

Edu: Inday, 12 sa mga mob members naten ang nagkamali! Pero andyan pa ang kaibigan mong si number 87, si Ethan. (Kinausap ni Edu si Ethan) Mukhang lakas chamba tayo pre ah!

Ethan: Ah hindi po ser… ganyan lang po talaga pagmadalas nakakausap si Inday, marami kang mapipick-up.

Edu: Ahh ganun ba? Good for you! (yun na lang ang nasabi ni Edu)
Edu: Anyway Inday, this round ay nakalikom ka ng 60,000 pesos which brings the total amount of the pot to 293,000 pesos! The question now is… will you take the money?!? …. or the mob?!?!??!!

Inday: Of course I’ll take the mob!

Edu: It is now 1!!!! versus…18!!!

Edu: Inday, itong next question ay may halagang 6,000 pesos. Pag ikaw ay nasa MRT, saang estasyon ka dapat sumakay para mabilis makarating sa Trinoma Mall? Is it A, Buendia? B, Ayala or C, Magallanes? Mob members please key in your answer!

Edu: Alam mo ba ang Trinoma mall Inday? San ka ba madalas sa day-off mo? Sa Araneta ba? or sa Megamall? Nakarating ka na ba sa Mall of Asia?

Inday: Stop that stereotyping, you’re just making a fool of yourself. Of course I’ve been to Mall of Asia, but only once. I usually hang out at Piazza Serendra whenever I can have a day-off. Sometimes it’s Greenbelt 5 or Rockwell depending really on the volume of people. The less crowd, the better for me. I’ve also been to Trinoma before and riding the MRT is a convenient way to get there.

(Muntik nang sumemplang sa pagkatukod ng kamay sa podium si Edu… “Sosyal pala ito parang feeling celebrity”)

Edu: Ahh… sige… what’s your answer Inday?

Inday: My answer would be C, Magallanes.

Edu: Ok kung sure ka na, please press the button.

Pinindot ni Inday ang letter C.

Edu: Para maiba naman, bago naten alamin kung tama ang sagot mo, tignan muna natin kung ilan sa mga mob ang nagkamali.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6!!!

Edu: Anim sa mga mob members ang nagkamali! Pero ang tanong, tama rin kaya si Inday? Tignan natin… Ang tamang sagot ay… Letter A, Buendia!!!!! Sorry In…

Sumingit bigla si Inday na parang nag-iinit ang ulo.

Inday: I don’t believe this!! Who made this question?!? Obviously, he doesn’t know what it’s like at Buendia station during peak hours. The question is unclear, although Buendia is nearer to Trinoma than Magallanes, it doesn’t mean it’s the quickest way to get there.

Edu: Sorry Inday pero…

Inday: Mr. Eduardo B. Manzano! I doubt that you’ve been inside an MRT train recently. I challenge whoever made this question to get to Trinoma Mall via Buendia Station while I board at the Magallanes station. With the huge crowd at Buendia Station, even the first cab is already jampacked that it would take you 30 to 45 minutes before you can board unless you’re gonna fight your way inside.

Inday: Meanwhile, I can board a southbound train in Magallanes Station easily then board a northbound train in Taft Ave. Station and be able to seat comfortably inside the first cab. By the time my train gets to Buendia Station, I would still be able to see that person waiting in the platform .Now, tell me I’m wrong.

Marami sa mga audience pati sa mob members ang napa-oo sa sinabi ni Inday. May punto nga naman sya.

Napatingin na lang si Edu sa set director.

Edu: Paano ‘to? Kayo naman kasi hindi klaro ang mga question na ginagawa niyo eh. Ahh teka lang Inday ha.

Nagpulong pulong ang mga set personnel pati si Edu. Pagbalik ni Edu sa entablado…

Edu: Ok, napag-usapan namin na tama rin ang letter C so for this question lahat ng sumagot ng letter A and C ay tama. So ang nagkamali sa mga mob members ay tatlo kabilang ang kaibigan mong si Ethan.

Inday: Glad you saw it my way and I’m sorry about Ethan but his luck would eventually run out anyway.

Edu: Inday, 18,000 pesos ang nakuha mo ngayong round that would bring your total money to 311,000 pesos! Wala ka ng help at may 15 pang mob members na natitira. So ang tanong, is it the money?? or the mob?!!?

Inday: I’ll take the mob!!

Umabot na sa puntong nasa halagang P10,000 na ang isang tanong. 4 na lang ang natitirang mob members at P414,000 ang laman ng prize pool.

Edu: Inday, 4 na lang ang mob members na naiiwan. Dalawang unbeatable, isang propesor ng Philosophy sa UP at may isa pang katulong ang natitira. (Napatingin si Edu sa floor director tilang di makapaniwala sa nabasa nya sa prompter).

Edu: Anyway, maaga pa lang ay naubos na ang iyong help pero parang hindi mo naman talaga kelangan ang mga yun. May 414,000 pesos ka nang naiipon. Ayaw mo pa bang kunin ang money? (gusto na atang tapusin ni Edu kasi lagi na lang syang napapadugo ni Inday).

Edu: Tandaan mo Inday, you have the option to walk out and take the money and leave the mob with nothing. So is it the money? or the mob? (pagod na si Edu sa kakasigaw ng money or the mob)

Inday: I’m enjoying this game so I’ll take the mob!!

Napa-hayyy na lang si Edu. Kinausap niya muna saglit ang director at naghanap sila ng mahirap na tanong.

Edu: Ok sige Inday, here’s your question worth P10,000. Para saang OS or Operating System ginawa ang Longhorn? Is it A, Linux? B, Mac or Macintosh?, or C, Windows? Mob members please key in your answer. Siguro Inday ay nakakita ka na ng computer diba? Meron sigurong PC yung amo mo sa bahay. Or baka nakagamit ka na nyan sa mga internet shop para mag-chat or mag-email.

Nakangisi lang si Inday habang pinapakinggan ang pag-explain ni Edu.

Edu: Yung OS or Operating System ay yung software na nagpapatakbo sa isang PC. Di ko alam kung nagegets mo mga pinagsasabi ko pero manghula ka na lang siguro since wala ka na ring help.

Inday: Ok. Let’s see if I can explain how I would arrive at my answer in a way that you could comprehend. I’m sure the answer is not letter B. Mac OS releases are usually codenamed after a wild cat such as Jaguar, Puma, Panther or the most recent major release of OS X, which is Leopard, which I incidentally have currently on my Macbook Pro.

Nagsisimula na namang dumugo ang ilong ni Doods.

Inday: I’m also sure that it’s not letter A which is Linux. The common Linux distribution right now are Fedora, SUSE, Mandriva and Ubuntu which is derived from Debian, a non-commercial distro. I even get to install Ubuntu in my master’s machine which is currently running a dual boot system side by side with Windows Vista.

Nagpakuha ng maraming tissue si Edu dahil umaagos na ang dugo sa ilong.

Inday: So that leaves me with letter C, Windows. Longhorn is the codename used for Windows Vista that was released early last year. My answer is letter C. (Sabay pindot ni Inday ang letter C)

Nagpakuha muna ng tubig si Edu bago tumuloy.

Edu: Ok, tignan na naten kung mauubos mo na ang mob members para matapos na ‘to. Ilan ba ang nagkamali?

1, 2, 3…! Nagulat si Edu nang may natira pa.

Edu: 3 ang nagkamali! Isa na lang ang natitira. Number 94, yung natitirang katulong. Grabe na ‘to ah. Napabagsak ng 2 katulong ang 99 na mob members.

Kinausap muna saglit ni Doods si number 94.

Edu: Number 94, ano po ang pangalan nila ma’am?

Number 94: Miriam po sir Edu, pero tawagin niyo na lang akong Manang gaya ng iba.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ni Inday nang napansin nyang si Manang pala ang natitirang mob member.

Inday: You!!! (Napatingin na lang kay Manang)

Manang: As Einstein once said, “Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods.”

BLAG!! Hinimatay si Edu sa kakulangan ng dugo. Di na alam kung paano ipagpapatuloy ang show kaya’t hinati na lang kanila Inday at Manang ang P444,000 na nalikom sa pool.

Wowowee

Naging contestants sina Inday at Ederlyn sa Wowowee.

Willie: Kapamilya, ang ating mga kalahok ngayon ay mga maid or mga yaya… mga kasambahay minsan kung tawagin. Sila ang dahilan kung baket nananatiling malinis ang bahay natin, may pagkain sa hapagkainan kung pagod tayo para magluto. Sila ang naghuhugas ng pinggan, naglalaba at nag-aalaga sa mga anak natin. Aminin na naten, mahihirapan din tayo pag wala sila.

Willie: Sige tawagin na naten ang mga unang maglalaro.

Umentra sina Inday at Ederlyn at pumwesto sa magkabilang panig ni Willie.

Kinausap muna ni Willie si Ederlyn. Excited sobra si Ederlyn, sigaw ng sigaw ng “Papiii”!!

Willie: Hello kamusta ka? Anong name mo?

Ederlyn: Ederlyn po papi!! I’m fine thanks!!! (excited talaga)

Willie: Ederlyn, taga-saang probinsya ka?

Ederlyn: I’m from here lang in Metro Manila papi!!! You’re hansam pala in personal!

Willie: Wow, thank you ha. Ilang taon ka na Ederlyn?

Ederlyn: 20 po papi!!

Willie: Ahh, kamusta mga magulang mo, nasan sila?

Ederlyn: Di ko po alam papi!! In their house lang yun siguro. I am staying with my amo.

Willie: Ahhh so sino yung nagbabantay ng bahay ngayon? Alam ba ng amo mo na nandito ka sa Wowowee?

Ederlyn: Yung amo ko po nag-stay sa house. Pinayagan nya naman ako at she also gave me bus fare to go here so I could join.

Willie: Wow, ang bait naman. Meron ka bang message para sa amo mo?

Ederlyn: Ma’am thank you po for giving me pamasahe to go here, don’t worry I will pay you. The trash at the back I will throw later, I am not finish sweeping the floor in your room. The fruit salad in the ref is already panis, don’t eat it. Pa-throw na lang po in the trash can.

Willie: Aba! Astig ka rin ah, inutusan mo pa amo mo. Sa magulang mo baka may message ka.

Ederlyn: Ahmm… Nay, Tay! How are you guys? I’m doing fine here at Wowowee. I know you are watching me. Thank you for your patronage. That’s all papi!

Willie: Nyak! O sige anong talent mo?

Ederlyn: I will sing po papi! Nothing’s gonna change my love for you!

Willie: O sige, Ladies and Gentlemen… Miss Ederlyn.

Kinuha ni Ederlyn ang mikropono at pumunta na sa gitna at nagsimulang kumanta.

Ederlyn: If I had to live my life without you near me…. The days would all be empty…

Umabot na sa chorus…

Ederlyn: Nothing’s gonna change my love for you, you know naman my love how much I love you. One thing you can be sure of, I’ll never ask for more than your love…

At natapos na rin si Ederlyn. Naghiyawan at nagtawanan ang mga tao. Pati si Willie di makatigil sa kakatawa.

Willie: Ayos ka rin Ederlyn! Lalabas siguro ito sa youtube. Anyway, eto ang five thousand pesos mo pati ang gift bag from Liveraide!!

Ederlyn: (tuwang tuwa) Thank you po Kuya Willie!!

Willie: O sige dito naman tayo sa next contestant naten.

Humarap si Willie kay Inday na mukhang nabobored.

Willie: Hi miss, anong name mo?

Inday: Hi Mr. Revillame, my name is Inday.

Willie: Aba isa pang inglesera. Ok mga katulong naten ngayon ah, nakakaaliw sila.

Naisipan din na kausapin ni Willie si Inday ng Ingles. Alam niyo naman si papi, palabiro.

Willie: So Inday, how are you today?

Inday: I just answered that question earlier. If you have nothing else left to ask, can we just continue?

Willie: Ahhmm, it’s ok. I still have some questions for you. Ahh, what province are you from?

Inday: I’m from the City of Majestic Waterfalls, Iligan.

Willie: Ahhh, that’s very nice. Is your parents there? Why don’t you greet them?

Inday: Yes, they’re there but my mom does not watch Wowowee. She usually watch The Tyra Banks Show at this time of the day. My dad seldom watches TV.

Willie: Oh I see, why doesn’t she watch Wowowee, am I not handsome or funny for her?

Inday: Let’s just say that it might have something to do with substance, plus Tyra is more pleasing to the eye than you.

Napahiya si Willie.

Willie: Ohh ok. Well greet her anyways, maybe she change the channel during commercial.

Pumayag na rin si Inday na batiin ang kanyang nanay.

Inday: Hi Mom, if you’re really watching this…

Sumingit saglit si Willie.

Willie: Inday, why don’t you greet her in your dialect?

Inday: (Tinignan ng masama si Willie) Why don’t you keep quiet for a sec and let me greet her in my own way?

Napahiya ulit si Willie…

Willie: Ok sorry, please continue.

Inday: Hi mom, please check your Paypal account to see if the money I sent you has arrived. Did you like the Marc Jacobs handbag I sent you last Christmas? Please tell Iying to catch me online so I can walk her through jailbreaking her iPod Touch. Hi to Dad, Itoy and Ikling. Love you all!

Natameme si Willie sa pagkasosyal ni Inday at ng kanyang pamilya.

Willie: Woww… How sweet naman. Can I ask you what year uhh… I mean anong year ang natapos mo sa schooling mo? Because you’re good in English, maybe you reached 4th year high school?

Inday: So what are you implying? That maids are dumb and cannot speak perfect English nor have good education? If I told you my academic achievements you might run outside and fling yourself into a speeding truck. Let’s just say that I was blessed with proper education with the help of a few scholarship grants and was able to finish college and a couple of master’s degree.

Dumugo na ang ilong ni Willie at nagpakuha muna ng tissue at tubig bago nagpatuloy.

Willie: Ahmm ok… uhh.. tama na siguro yung mga tanong. Pero bago ang lahat nais ko lang batiin ang isang special guest na dumalo ngayon dito sa studio… the lovely Kris Aquino.

Na-focus ang camera kay Kris na nakatayo sa gilid.

Kris: Hi Willie, o anoh? Diba winarn na kita tungkol dyan kay Inday kanina bago ka lumabas. Anoh, naniwala ka na?

Willie: Di ko naman kasi alam parang jinojoke mo lang ako kanina eh.

Kris: Well… gusto ko lang makita talent ni Inday kaya ako bumisita. Baka talent nya ay wawalisin itong set in under 1 minute. Ahihihi.

Willie: ‘Kaw talaga Kris iba ka kung manlait.

Talent portion na ni Inday.

Willie: Ok Inday, anong talent ang gagawin mo ngayon?

Inday: I suppose I could sing one of my favorites, Time to Say Goodbye.

Willie: Sige, Ladies and Gentleman… Ms. Inday.

Pumwesto na si Inday sa harap ng entablado. Pinatahimik niya ang audience… nakatingin lang sa kanya si Kris. Sinenyasan nya ang DJ na patugtugin ang kanyang CD dahil di kakayanin ng banda patugtugin ang kakantahin nya.

Nagsimula na si Inday kumanta…

Inday: Quando sono sola Sogno all’orrizonte E mancan le parole… Si lo so che non c’e’ luce In una stanza quando manca il sole Si non ci sei tu con me, con me…

Umabot na sa chorus at bumanat pa lalo si Inday…

Inday: Time to… say goodbye… Paesi che no ho mai Veduto e vissuto con te… Adesso si li vivro’ con te partiro’…

Nagtayuan ang karamihan sa audience, mga matatanda, foreigners, OFWs, balikbayan. Pinalakpakan si Inday… napaluha din ang iba. Pati si Kris at Willie namangha at nanood na lang sa rendition ni Inday ng kanta ni Andrea Bocelli.

Pinatapos ni Willie ang buong kanta, di akalaing kaya ng isang katulong ang kumanta ng opera.

Pagkatapos ni Inday, binigyan siya ng standing ovation ng audience, pati mga promo girls tumigil sa pagkekembot para palakpakan siya. Umalis na si Kris sa studio ng luhaan, apektado sa kanta ni Inday.

Willie: Wow!! That’s unbelievable! Ang galing ha, ang lakas pala ng boses mo. Dahil sa ginawa mong yan, ito ang 50,000 pesos para sayo at lahat ng nakadisplay dito sa likod ko, pwede mo nang iuwi. Meron dyang Magic Sing, My Marvel Taheebo at kung anu-ano pa.

Sumingit si Ederlyn.

Ederlyn: Papi ba’t saken 5,000 pesos lang? Unfair naman yun.

Willie: Gusto mo bawiin ko? Mali mali nga lyrics mo dyan. Galingan mo na lang sa laban niyo ni Inday.

Ederlyn: (natahimik na lang) Sige po papi.

Willie: Ok alam niyo na ang gagawin? Kelangan niyong mahulaan ang title ng kantang papatugtugin at kakantahin niyo pagkatapos ok? Pag di niyo naikanta ng maayos, 1 point lang. Pag-maka 2 points kayo, pasok na kayo sa next round.

Willie: Ok ready? Paunahan ito… pwesto!

Tumugtog na ang Perfect ng True Faith, umabot na sa chorus bago nahulaan ni Ederlyn ang kanta.

Edelryn: Ferfect papi!! Ferfect!!!!

Natawa na lang si Willie.

Willie: O sige pwede na rin… Perfect… Sing it!!

Ederlyn: Baby as I look into your eyes… New York ferfect… Judging from the way you meet my eye… New York Ferfect…. Ferfect….

Sumasakit ang tyan ni Willie sa kakatawa kaya’t pinatigil nya na si Ederlyn.

Willie: Hoi, san niyo ba nakuha ito? (tawa ng tawa habang kausap ang direktor)

Willie: Sorry Ederlyn pero mali na naman ang lyrics mo. Di bale bawi ka na lang sa susunod… Inday, pwede ka pang humabol. Sige pwesto!!

Tumugtog na ang Smack That ni Akon… naunahan na naman ni Ederlyn si Inday na may kausap sa kanyang cellphone.

Ederlyn: Papi Ismak Dat!! (Kinanta pa ng gaga… Ismak Dat Olonggapo… Ismak Dat Fernando Poe)

Natawa na naman si Willie.

Willie: Pambihira ka talaga. Di mo na kelangan kantahin pero tama ang sagot mo kaya’t pasok ka na!!

Tuwang tuwa si Ederlyn at di humihinto sa kakapalakpak at kakatalon.

Willie: I’m sorry Inday pero…

Natameme si Willie paglingon nya kay Inday at may kausap sa phone. Sinenyasan siya ni Inday na saglit lang.

Natapos na rin si Inday sa phone.

Inday: I’m sorry Mr. Revillame but I just got a call from the other station and they’re sending someone over to pick me up. They want to talk about guesting me and letting me sing me on their show this Sunday. I’ll just take the cash and leave the other stuff here for the other contestants. Thanks and Ciao!

Laglag-panga si Willie at pinanood na lang ang pag-alis ni Inday.

Painful experiences

Isang hapon ay nagkwekwentuhan ang magbarkada sa may isawan sa kanto habang nag-memerienda.

Ederlyn: Eto, I have a question para sa inyo ga. Ano ang pinakamasakit na experience ang naranasan na ninyu?

Napaisip ang iba.

Dodong: Siguro sa akin ay yung pagpili sa isang babae pero parehong mahal mo ang dalawa. Para talagang nahahati ang puso ko. (sabay kagat sa isaw)

Ederlyn: Ay yung sa akin yung binuhos mo ang pagmamahal mo sa isang lalaki pero kulang pa rin at iniwan ka. (sabay lagok sa softdrink)

Ethan: Wala pa ko masyadong experience pagdating sa sa pagmamahal eh. Siguro masakit na sa’ken yung binati mo ng good morning pero di ka pinansin. Hehehe. (sabay kagat sa bananacue)

Inday: I guess mine would be not showing my affection to someone and by the time that I realize that he’s the one I love, he’s slowly pulling away. (sabay subo sa baon nyang blanched green and white asparagus with lemon thyme and Parmesan vinaigrette)

Pulubi: Sa akin naman yung bihis na bihis ka na pero di ka pala kasama sa lakad. Sakit nun. Hirap kaya ako maghanap ng maisusuot tapos di rin pala ako kasama. Tsk. (hihingi pa sa kinakain ni Inday)

Napatingin na lang sila Inday sa pulubing nakiki-merienda.

Ang high tech na neighborhood

Isang hapon ay lumabas si Mr. Montemayor para bumili ng internet prepaid card sa sari-sari store dahil nawalan sila ng DSL connection at kelangan nyang mag-email.

Pagdating nya sa tindahan ay nakita sya ni Ethan na nagtetext habang kumakain ng bananacue.

Ethan: Sir! Magandang hapon po. Ako nga pala si Ethan, yung kaibigan ni Inday.

Mr. Montemayor: Ahh ok. Gandang hapon din. Ka-text mo si Inday?

Ethan: Ahh, hindi po sir. Nag-susurf lang ako dito sa cellphone ko, checheck ng balita.

Mr. Montemayor: (nabigla) Ahh… ok… galing ah. Sige.

Kumatok sya sa tindahan at lumapit ang tindera.

Tindera: Ano po yun?

Mr. Montemayor: Meron ba kayong prepaid internet card? Yung 100 pesos lang, bigyan mo ako yung mabilis at mabenta.

Tindera: Ahh meron po sir. Pero kung gusto niyo mabilis talaga, nag-ooffer din kami ng Airborne Access prepaid card. Aabot naman yung wifi namin sa bahay ninyo kasi may mga booster antennas naman kami. Kelangan niyo lang ng computer or laptop na may wifi adapter. 100 lang rin sir para sa 60 minutes.

Mr. Montemayor: (laglag ang panga) Ahh sige, pwede siguro yan. Samahan mo na rin ng isang Cheers softdrink.

Tumambay muna si Mr. Montemayor sa tindahan habang inuubos ang softdrink nang may dumaang maglalako.

Maglalako: (sumisigaw) Hoppppp… Hopppp… HopiaManiPopcornDomainNamesatWebHostinggg…

Nasamid si Mr. Montemayor sa kanyang iniinom.

Restaurant

Isang hapon, nagmemerienda ulit ang barkada sa may sari-sari store na may isawan sa tapat.

Dodong: Alam niyo ba kung anong gagawin ko sa perang iniipon ko? Magtatayo siguro ako ng maliit na restaurant dito sa may atin. (habang sinasawsaw ang betamax sa suka)

Ethan: Aba, bigtime ka na pre ah! (sabay kagat sa bananacue) Anong klaseng resto ba yan?

Dodong: Maliit lang. Siguro gotohan lang.. ay “Pares” na lang kasi may kilala ako sa palengke mura ang bigay saken ng karne.

Ederlyn: Wow darling pwede mo akong kuning cashier or waitress. (sabay inom sa sopdrink)

Dodong: Anong darling darling? Nakakalimutan mo na ba? Wala na tayo no. Tsaka baka mawalan ng gana mga kakain pag ikaw ang nagseserve. (sabay nagpa-ihaw pa ng isaw)

Napahiya si Ederlyn at nagtawanan sina Ethan, Manang at Inday.

Dodong: Inday kunin kitang kusinera ha? Alam kong papatok ang “Pares” naten pag ikaw ang nagluluto.

Inday: Flattery won’t get you anywhere Dodong. Besides, do you already know what you need before you pursue that endeavor of yours? You need to register a business name and submit a BTRCP Form No. 16B to DTI. Or SEC if it’s going to be a corporation or a partnership. Then get a Barangay Clearance, Mayor’s Permit and Sanitary Permit. You also have to register your business to BIR then get a license to operate from BFAD. And that’s just the gist of it.

Dodong: Huwaw!!! Ang dami pala. Buti na lang andyan ka para tulungan ako.

Inday: Well, I could concoct a list of appetizers, entréés and dessert for your “Pares” resto. (sabay subo sa baong California Maki)

Ethan: Tulungan kitang i-advertise yan pre. Ipapaskel ko sa tricycle ko yung trapal mo.

Pulubi: Do you have a name for your establishment yet? (sabay sawsaw ng baong bruschetta sa olive oil)

Dodong: Hmmm… wala pa eh. Dodong’s Pares kaya?

Manang: How unimaginative. How about… Pares Hilton. Classy yet funny. (sabay dukot sa Chippy)

Dodong: Hahaha. Ok yun ah!!

Ederlyn: Di ko gets? Anong nakakatawa dun?

Inday: Of course you don’t dear. Well Dodong, the name should cater to the mass anyway so better come up with another one.

Sumingit na rin ang maglalako na kumakain lang ng isaw sa tabi at nakikinig.

Maglalako: Eh kung Lovers In Pares kaya? Tapos pwede ko na rin i-register ang domain name para di kayo maunahan. Nagwe-web design din nga pala ako.

Dodong, Ethan, Ederlyn, Manang: Pwede!!!